Yes folks, I am talking about Twilight today. Every year that a new Twilight movie comes out, Denise, another friend/Twihard (Allison) and I get together and have a girls day out. Our first movie to watch together in the Twilight franchise was actually New Moon. We weren't Twihards yet when the first movie came out. In between the release of the first and second movies, Denise and I read the books (over and over and over again) and loved them! We were (still are) Team Edward but have a huge amount of respect for Jacob-who is hot. But since he is a teenager, we will call it respect (don't judge). We found out that my childhood friend Allison also read the books and loved them. She wasn't as crazy/immature about them as Denise and I, but she loved the idea of us meeting up to watch the movies in theater. All three of us have kids and the idea of a girls day out was just awesome!!! Denise and I decided that we would meet Allison in Lubbock (the town nearest us that is a good meeting place). We were bound and determined to have a good time that day. We were pumped! Denise had even ordered us Twilight shirts. Hers had a feather on it and it said "Isle Esme" and mine said "La Tua Cantante." If you haven't read Twilight then google those two things to find out what they refer to. Especially ISLE ESME-whoo..... New Moon came out in November of that year and Denise still had a mask out that her son had used for Halloween. It was an old man mask that was very convincing looking. Because of our state of excitement and level of immaturity, we decided to take the mask with us. Once I drove into Lubbock, the mask went on. We pulled up to the parking lot of the movie theater and the stares we received were great! Allison met us there and it's a good thing we were early b/c women (and some gay men) were already forming a line at the ticket window to see this movie. Finally, the suspense was over as we got into the theater and watched New Moon. It was great! So much better than the first (I realize that Twilight isn't every one's cup of tea-for those of you who do not like it, please just keep reading. This is not, I REPEAT, not a Twilight blog!). That same day Texas Tech was playing at home against the Oklahoma Sooners and had just beat them 41-13 (Raider Power) when we exited the theater. We decided to drive down University Avenue (the site of Jones AT&T Stadium) and have some fun. Allison sat in the front and put the old man mask on like a trooper! Seeing the reaction of thousands of drunk Tech and OU fans was great! I am sure someone thought we were just as drunk (sadly, I can't say that alcohol was a factor in our behavior-just us being us!). After that we headed over to the mall to do some Christmas shopping. Denise and Allison wanted to stop in front of Hot Topic to have our picture taken with the "Twilight" cut-outs standing outside of the store. I am not going to lie, I was a party pooper! It embarrassed me and I refused to be a part of such immaturity (I don't know why I made that decision at THIS point in the day-like I was above all of it or something). What is even funnier is that right after that we headed over to Dillards b/c I (me, not anyone else) wanted to try on prom dresses. Yes.... prom dresses.... I was 31 years old at this point in my life. The chances of me going to prom at this point in my life were slim unless it was a.) as a chaperon or b.) something that could lead to my arrest and being added to the list of sexual offenders in my area. Obviously the 10 minute reality/maturity check I had just had was gone. Thankfully Denise and Allison didn't have a maturity check all day b/c we all grabbed dresses and headed into the dressing room. The dressing room attendant was looking at us like we were crazy so then we started talking about how we had to find a dress for a special occasion. I am real sure she believed us (eyeroll). After we played dress up, I needed to run to Sears to look at a new power tool for my husband. If you have ever shopped at Sears before, then you may know that they keep some personal information on you in their computer system. Denise and Allison were standing at the check out line with me while a young, college aged man-child was helping me check out. Now, I have up to this point changed the names of the people in this blog b/c for confidentiality reasons, but if I do this for this particular part of the story, it will just ruin the story and I wouldn't even be able to add it! The man-child behind the counter had just asked for a home phone number so he could see if we were in the computer system. I was happy to share it. After a couple of seconds of searching he looked up at me and said "I have a woody." Now, I know what you are thinking b/c it's the same thing that Denise and Allison thought. Denise (remember that Denise has no filter!!!) says "YOU HAVE A WHAT?????????!!!!!!!!!!" I thought for a minute someone would have to pick us up off of the floor b/c we were laughing so hard. And this poor guy was about as red as a fat kid on a hot summer day. You see, my husbands name is Camillo (he is Hispanic), but his nickname is...you got it...Woody. That poor man-child. He was just trying to be professional and instead, it sounded like he was trying to act out his favorite porn/power tool fantasy (which makes me wonder if a guy really would want to live that fantasy out-sex surrounded by saws...hmmm...). And do you think my non filtered BFF left it alone? Oh HELL NO!! She laughed and made fun of that poor guy until I finally had to tell her to zip it-ok, through hysterical laughter I told her to zip it. And not b/c I felt bad for him, but b/c if she didn't shut up, I would have passed out due to lack of oxygen to the brain due to laughing so hard. Finally, we got finished with the transaction and tried to leave the man-child with a small ounce of dignity (not sure that worked out real well for him). At this point the evening was coming to an end. We knew that all that had transpired that day, we would be sure and make it an annual trip. We have since done it two more times and have another movie coming out next month. I can't wait! Oh, and when I got home and told my husband about what happened in Sears, he didn't think it was funny at all.. Go figure!
OH NO HE DIDN'T!
I have said before that Denise and I met while working together in the local hospital. Shortly after meeting, we both found out that we were both pregnant. Her with her first child and me with my second. We had such a great time being pregnant together and sharing our experiences. Working in a small hospital at this time definitely had its advantages, too. Everyone knew everyone so if things were slow we could call down to radiology and they would tell us to head on down for a ultrasound (a FREE ultrasound). We could also use the fetal doppler which is what is used when the doctor listens for your babys heartbeat. As nurses aides, we were trained to use these and did so often. We worked with a pretty good staff but their was one specific male nurse that would sometimes get under our skin. I am not knocking male nurses. My oldest brother is an RN and is an awesome nurse. No, I am not knocking male nurses.... I am knocking this particular male nurse though. He was about 50 years old, skinny (lanky skinny), gray headed and made my skin crawl. He would tell perverted jokes and constantly made sexual innuendos to whoever would listen. How the guy hasn't been charged with sexual harassment is beyond me. Denise and I definitely had grounds to charge him, but we were both young and naive not really knowing that kind of stuff. Plus, living in a small town where everyone knows each other can make doing something like that difficult. I think Denise and I both wish now that we would have done something about it. Even now, thinking of him, I get the chills. Anyways, back to the story at hand, Denise and I were working on a very slow Saturday morning. All of the business office was gone for the weekend, our patient load was light and we were at a point where we could take a quick break. Denise said "Hey, do you want to practice getting the fetal heartbeat on each other?" Are you kidding? A chance to listen to my babys heart beat was ALWAYS something I wanted to do!!! We excitedly went to the nurses staton where this particular nurse was. Since I don't feel like I can share his real name, let's just call him Dick. It fits (that's what she said-sorry..) his personality perfectly. Because that's what he was! Dick asked us what we were doing. I told him we were going to check fetal heart tones. He asked "who is going to do it?" Ok, Denise's response may have set us up, and we completely understand that, and so did Dick. Her response was "we are going to do each other." And because Dick is Dick, he had a totally normal Dick response. His response was "can I watch?" Now listen, Denise and I laugh about this all the time. It was funny, but if you know Dick (you know you all do, BTW), you would know it was creepy. We both turned bright red and Dick had that creepy, perverted smile that all creeps have. I am pretty quick at smart remarks and wise cracks, but since this pregancy was zapping all of my neurons and electrons in my brain and they weren't connecting, all I could do was stand there. Finally Denise said "we don't swing that way." What's odd for me is that I have known Dick all my life (ya, I know, setting myself up for a comment on that-it's alright...go ahead) and grew up with his daughter, who is a year younger than me and also worked with Denise and I. You would think that Dick would think about the fact that I am his daughters age and that might somewhat turn him off....but, he is Dick...And like most Dick's, all they seem to think about is sex. I am happy to say that Denise and I walked away from Dick to go do each other. Wait...that came out wrong.....oh, you knew what I meant!!! And BTW- We both had boys... and did not name them Richard....
