Time Keeps On Slipping Into the Future

I am fully aware how long it has been since I have been able to blog and for that I am disgusted with myself but to be honest, I have had nothing to blog about.  With Denise being in nursing school and me being a single parent and trying to split myself in several different ways to get everything done, Denise and I have not had a lot of time together.  The saying "time marches on," couldn't be truer.  The saying "time marches on and it usually marches across your face," is also something I am finding to be true as well.  As Denise and I started this new school year we both had HUGE life changes take place.  For her, it was being accepted into nursing school and getting ready to put everything important to her on the back burner, including our friendship.  Totally normal.  Nursing school was one of the hardest things I ever had to do and if you can get through it without anyone else adding any extra stress, then praise God!  So as much as I miss her, I leave her alone and let her do the calling.  I just hope she realizes it isn't because I have forgotten about her and found new friends.  It's because I want her to focus on school and her family because they are what should be most important to her.  I know she values our friendship, as do I.  It's in the top 5 relationships I have. My big change was starting a new school year as a single mom, newly divorced.  I won't lie, the divorce was a relief.  I have had so many people tell me that I look younger and less stressed since the split and divorce occurred, and I feel younger and happier.  I hadn't realized that as hard as I was trying to hide how miserable I was, and I did pretty well, I was still wearing it like an extra piece of clothing.  I was overweight (and still am to an extent), I was stressed and angry a lot.  People that my ex treated so horribly while we were married that he had made me think I couldn't stand either have actually turned out to be great people.  That makes me a huge asshole.  I am so glad I don't have that anymore.  That feeling of  having to dislike someone because it would please him.  I was weak.  How sad that after 15 years of marriage, I haven't missed him once.  Not to say that the changes weren't hard.  Watching my oldest son pass another milestone as he started his freshman year of high school was difficult to do and even more difficult because he had to do it while dealing with a recent divorce and heartache from what his father had done.  And maybe it didn't matter to him, but it was strange to me to have such a milestone occur and not have his dad there to see him through it.  Yes, his dad called him later, but it wasn't the same.  Another change occurred for my kids and I this new school year which has been a blessing.  A new man has come into my life.  I know that if you are reading this that seems so soon.  Trying to relay all of the circumstances and changes to you as a reader to try and allow you to understand the in's and out's of it all would take forever and really needs to be told elsewhere anyway so let me say this instead: God's timing is not our timing.  I would have never in my life thought about starting a new relationship so soon after being married for so long.  I can say that my heart left my marriage years ago.  I was just going through the motions for the sake of my kids and hoping my ex would screw up big time again so that I could have my out.  The exit strategy was, sadly, in place.  I just needed a viable reason to use it, but the exit plan never included falling in love with someone new.  And I have.  And I am happier than I ever have been except for the fact that I miss my BFF.  So these are the huge changes that have taken place in both our lives and one thing you can always rely on is change, so I know more changes are to come.  One thing I know, and I know I can count on this as much as I can count on death and taxes.  I know that Denise and I will grow old together as best friends and continue to raise each other up and help each other through the great and wonderful times which are full of laughter and smiles, and we will get each other through the hard times which may be full of tears and hurt.  She will never quit being my best friend.  Her and Jesus know everything about me and I wouldn't have it any other way!  I love you girl and I am proud of you and so, so, so thankful for you!  You are such a gift from God and I owe Him the honor and glory for allowing me to have you and your lovely family in my life!