The Light at the End of the Tunnel Passed by Like a Flash of Lightening!

Well, she did it!  Denise graduated nursing school last week!  I can't say how proud of her I am of this accomplishment because not enough words are available.  She had to work hard and put everything on the back burner to achieve this and she did it!  Getting to see her walk that stage and receive her nurse's pin and then recite the pledge was an amazing and nostalgic feeling!  She along with about 20 others were able to do this!  And, not only did she do this, but she was awarded with being the person others would most like to work with!  Having worked side by side with her before, I completely get why she won this award!  They also called her the "momma" of the class.  She said that made her feel old, but even when I met her when I was 22, she was a momma then, too!  I am also glad to say that maybe now I can have my friend back!  I understand the time it takes to get through nursing school and you have to put everyone you care about on a shelf and hope that they are still around when you are finished!  Well, here I am "D!"  I am ready to get back to normal!  ;)  I hope this means more funny blogs are yet to come!

Time Keeps On Slipping Into the Future

I am fully aware how long it has been since I have been able to blog and for that I am disgusted with myself but to be honest, I have had nothing to blog about.  With Denise being in nursing school and me being a single parent and trying to split myself in several different ways to get everything done, Denise and I have not had a lot of time together.  The saying "time marches on," couldn't be truer.  The saying "time marches on and it usually marches across your face," is also something I am finding to be true as well.  As Denise and I started this new school year we both had HUGE life changes take place.  For her, it was being accepted into nursing school and getting ready to put everything important to her on the back burner, including our friendship.  Totally normal.  Nursing school was one of the hardest things I ever had to do and if you can get through it without anyone else adding any extra stress, then praise God!  So as much as I miss her, I leave her alone and let her do the calling.  I just hope she realizes it isn't because I have forgotten about her and found new friends.  It's because I want her to focus on school and her family because they are what should be most important to her.  I know she values our friendship, as do I.  It's in the top 5 relationships I have. My big change was starting a new school year as a single mom, newly divorced.  I won't lie, the divorce was a relief.  I have had so many people tell me that I look younger and less stressed since the split and divorce occurred, and I feel younger and happier.  I hadn't realized that as hard as I was trying to hide how miserable I was, and I did pretty well, I was still wearing it like an extra piece of clothing.  I was overweight (and still am to an extent), I was stressed and angry a lot.  People that my ex treated so horribly while we were married that he had made me think I couldn't stand either have actually turned out to be great people.  That makes me a huge asshole.  I am so glad I don't have that anymore.  That feeling of  having to dislike someone because it would please him.  I was weak.  How sad that after 15 years of marriage, I haven't missed him once.  Not to say that the changes weren't hard.  Watching my oldest son pass another milestone as he started his freshman year of high school was difficult to do and even more difficult because he had to do it while dealing with a recent divorce and heartache from what his father had done.  And maybe it didn't matter to him, but it was strange to me to have such a milestone occur and not have his dad there to see him through it.  Yes, his dad called him later, but it wasn't the same.  Another change occurred for my kids and I this new school year which has been a blessing.  A new man has come into my life.  I know that if you are reading this that seems so soon.  Trying to relay all of the circumstances and changes to you as a reader to try and allow you to understand the in's and out's of it all would take forever and really needs to be told elsewhere anyway so let me say this instead: God's timing is not our timing.  I would have never in my life thought about starting a new relationship so soon after being married for so long.  I can say that my heart left my marriage years ago.  I was just going through the motions for the sake of my kids and hoping my ex would screw up big time again so that I could have my out.  The exit strategy was, sadly, in place.  I just needed a viable reason to use it, but the exit plan never included falling in love with someone new.  And I have.  And I am happier than I ever have been except for the fact that I miss my BFF.  So these are the huge changes that have taken place in both our lives and one thing you can always rely on is change, so I know more changes are to come.  One thing I know, and I know I can count on this as much as I can count on death and taxes.  I know that Denise and I will grow old together as best friends and continue to raise each other up and help each other through the great and wonderful times which are full of laughter and smiles, and we will get each other through the hard times which may be full of tears and hurt.  She will never quit being my best friend.  Her and Jesus know everything about me and I wouldn't have it any other way!  I love you girl and I am proud of you and so, so, so thankful for you!  You are such a gift from God and I owe Him the honor and glory for allowing me to have you and your lovely family in my life!

Where for art thou?

I am missing my BFF. If you haven't read any previous posts, she is in nursing school. And if you don't know anything about nursing school, it sucks your life away. It pulls you away from your family and friends, but, thankfully, only for a short time. Our time together has been short. Phone calls are few and far between and when we do get to talk it isn't always for very long. We did get to see each other a little over a month ago when she came over and we worked on her research paper (which she passed with flying colors-woohoo!). I miss seeing her and her kiddo's dearly and can't wait for her to be finished with this season of her life so that she can be an awesome nurse and also so that I can get my friend back. I miss you girl!! But I know that you are doing what you need to do and can't wait for you to see the benefits! I know that right now you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I promise it is there!!!

Hot Lips Houlihan vs Nurse Ratched

 

I have to say that I love that picture.  I was looking for some fun clip art to add to this blog for today's post and this was by far my favorite!  Obviously, my post today has to do with nursing and more specifically Denise and nursing.  If you have kept up with anything in this blog, you will know that Denise and I met 13 years ago while working together as nurse's aides in a local rural hospital.  We have a ton of awesome stories and here is a word to the wise, if you get "squeamish," you will have to stop reading, but not quite yet.   Before I go on with any stories, I want to say how proud I am of Denise right now though.  After several years of wanting to be a nurse and being stopped short of going to nursing school due to, well, life, she finally completed all of her pre requisites and has been accepted into nursing school!  I am so excited for her!  She was made to be a nurse!  She is caring, smart, compassionate and brilliant!  She has worked so long in the medical field that really, I consider her a nurse already.  School is just a technicality for her.  Denise, I know you are scared and nervous about this journey you are about to embark on.  You have to sacrifice your family and friends for a period of time to educate yourself.  Your instructors were right, you will find out real fast who your true friends are at the end of this.  I am completely aware that our friendship, although it will remain whole and freakin awesome, will be put on the back burner for a bit.  You have to know that at the end of this though, it will all be worth it.  You will come through it all shining bright and I will be around for you the entire time to help you, listen to you stress and listen to you bitch and moan about the fact that the nursing instructors own your ass!  For me nursing school was one of the best experiences of my life, but one of the most grueling.  I never thought it would come to an end and now that has been six years ago and that one year it took seems like such a insignificant amount of time taken from my life when I look at the rewards I have reaped from attending.  Remember that!  It is worth it!  Don't get discouraged!   You were made for this!

 

And now it's time for the squeamish to stop reading.  The two stories I have lined up really aren't that bad, but some people can't even handle me saying the word squeamish so this is your warning.  Do not continue to read if you  are one of "these people." 

Denise and I hadn't worked at the hospital together very long until we found out we were both pregnant.  Her with her first child and me with my second.  Denise had a very queasy stomach and horrible morning sickness throughout her entire pregnancy but somehow, she was able to hold it together through all of the horrible and nasty things we had to do as nurse's aides.  Except this one time.  We had an elderly lady whose doctor had ordered a urine specimen and the woman was having a hard time providing one.  The charge nurse had requested that Denise and I go see if we could do something to help her.  The main problem was that the elderly woman had lost a lot of her mobility and couldn't even hold the specimen cup under her hoohaw to catch the urine and she couldn't get from her bed to the toilet without making a huge mess.  The nurse's could have put a Foley catheter in but were trying to avoid doing so.   So Denise and I were attempting to come to this little woman's rescue.  We headed down to the room with a bedside commode and a specimen cup.  Now, since I have some experience under my belt, I am wondering why we didn't just put a new nurse's cap in the commode to catch this urine and then transfer it to the spec cup, but if that would have happened then this story wouldn't be near as good.  So, we got to the room and washed up and put on gloves and assisted the woman to the bedside commode.  We did attempt to get the woman to do what she could on her own (almost all nurse's know the saying "if you don't use it, you lose it") but she just couldn't manage it.  Before I knew it, Denise grabbed the spec cup and (with her gloves on) placed it between the woman's legs under her va-j-j.  The woman didn't just urinate.  She unleashed a fast flowing river of urine that hit the inside of the cup and splashed out....  all over Denise's arm.  Oh no!  Poor Denise.  I could see the look in her eyes and the green tint in her skin.  She was trying her hardest to hold it together but she just couldn't do it.  She started gagging.  I told her that I thought the cup had enough urine in it and to hand it to me so she could wash up and she went to the sink and scrubbed her skin FOREVER! The poor woman had not idea what had happened and I kept talking to her while Denise tried to pull it together.  I guess we are really lucky that Denise didn't barf all over the woman's legs when it happened.  The story would have actually been better if that would have happened.  Oh well!  At least we were able to help this poor little woman, and at least that happened to Denise and not me (not that it didn't eventually happen-you can't work in the nursing field and be a mom with out having something like that happening to you at some point).

As most people know, horrible and sad things happen in the health care world.  Such is the case with this second story.  Once again, Denise and I were pregnant when this next situation occurred.  It was a Sunday afternoon.  Our patient census was pretty low and the day was creeping by.  How I wish it would have continued to creep by.  We all heard commotion coming down the hall and a young lady appeared holding her one month old baby girl named Kandace.  I remembered the woman and the name of this baby because just the month before, I had the privilege of working in labor and delivery and witnessing the birth of this sweet child.  The woman was screaming and crying "my baby, my baby- she isn't breathing.  Please help!" As you can imagine she was out of her mind as the charge nurse took this blue, limp, lifeless rag doll in her arms and whisked her away to the trauma room.  I want to pause for a moment and explain something about this hospital.  This was and still is a small, rural hospital where the nurse's that work the floor are also in charge of labor & delivery, the newborn nursery and the E.R.  So that meant that Denise and I, both pregnant, were going to have to pull it together in order to do our jobs in the E.R. and try and revive this infant.  We both took a deep breath, recovered from our initial shock over the situation,  and wiped the tears from our eyes and headed back to the trauma room to see what we could do to help.  The scene was horrendous.  This baby girl was having tubes put into her arms and down her throat.  We hooked her up to monitors and quickly started life saving measures.  It was a horrible sight.  Denise and I had assisted with CPR many times by this point in our employment, but never on anyone younger than 50 years of age.  It was, as you can imagine, a horrible sight to be hold.  I want to give Denise props though.  She jumped in and did exactly what was expected of her.  She pumped on that baby's chest, she brought in supplies, she took notes, she attempted to comfort the mother that was standing outside the trauma room screaming for her baby.  Those screams still haunt both Denise and I.  I would love to say that after an hour of working on this baby that eventually we got her back and we were able to transport her out to a larger hospital where she recovered and she is now a 13 year old active little girl, but I can't.  What really happened was that after an hour of trying to revive her, we couldn't get a heart beat and the doctor eventually had to call the time of death.  Then we had to hear the doctor tell the mother that her baby was gone.  I can't imagine the anguish she felt.  We wanted to give the mother time with her baby before the funeral home came to pick her up.  The nurse's aides are the ones that have to do the grunt work and one of those jobs is cleaning dead bodies so that the families can see them one last time in the hospital.  So Denise and I spent the next 15 minutes cleaning the trauma room and the baby up for the mom.  We cried the entire time.  We wrapped the baby up in a blanket and brought in a rocking chair for the mom to rock her baby in.  I still can't imagine what this poor momma went through.  I knew how it had made Denise and I feel and I knew that we were only feeling a small fraction of what this woman was feeling.  This was the first of many sad events that Denise and I would see while working in the medical field and this was, at least for me, the most traumatic thing to have happened to me at this point in my life.  I had seen loss before, but nothing so horrible as this.  I truly feel that this is what sealed the deal for both Denise and I.  This was the event that would make us or break us in the medical field.  We would either walk away that day saying, "we just can't do this job," or we would walk away saying, "as sad as that was, we fought like hell for that baby and want to continue to fight like hell for the life of others."  We both chose the latter.  Throughout both of our careers, working together or apart, Denise and I have both seen our fair share of horrendous things happen that were on the same level of this terrible event.  God was preparing us that day to be a part of something amazing.  To be people that would need to understand empathy and compassion.  I have always said that in my nursing career, if I ever lose those two things then I need to hang up my stethoscope and call it quits.  Because you can't help others, whether it be a child that slipped and fell and needs to get stitches or having to tell a family that their loved one has passed on, if you don't have those two things.  They are two of the most important things to carry around with you as a nurse.  

That's what is going to make you great Denise!  You are the most compassionate and empathetic person I know.  You always try to understand people and learn how to best serve them.  Colossians 3:12 says "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience."  You are these things.  I am so glad to have you in my life and I am so glad you are finally going to school to show others these things.  You are going to blow those instructors away!  Just remember, there is nothing wrong with being a brown noser and becoming your instructors new best friends!  HAHA!  I love you girl and am so proud of you!

Who knew Ruth was a WOOHOO girl....

I just want to say that writer's block sucks.  My brain has been unable to churn out any creative thoughts in the last couple of months.  This screen has looked like a blank canvas that I have opened up and sat down to, then exited out of because I just couldn't put a sentence together, much less an entire post.  I am here to rectify that today.  I am not saying that my creative juices are really flowing.  In fact, for the first time in a long time, I had to actually write out a little outline of what I was going to blog about.  I hate that I had to do that, but this blog has been sitting here long enough without anything being written on it and since it is an homage to my girl, I needed to get cracking and quit whining. :)
 

 Since I met Denise, I have always likened her to Ruth from the Bible.  If no one knows anything about this particular Bible character, Ruth was known for her faithfulness.  When times got tough and Ruth could have turned away and done what she needed to do for herself, she stuck it out and did what was important for everyone else and definitely what God wanted her to do.  That's Denise.   ...But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God." Ruth 1:16 NASB.  Denise has a hard time saying the word NO!  Some people would say it's because she wants to be a people pleaser.  That may be true to an extent.  Most people pleasers tend to be that way to make sure they are well liked.  That's where the variation is for Denise.  She can't say no because she truly wants to see people happy.  She is not looking for self gratification.  She is searching for those people to have joy in their lives, much like the joy she has in her life.  And she truly radiates joy!  It is hard not let it rub off on you when she is around.  Denise would do a lot for  many people, but it's the ones closest to her that truly get to witness her fierce loyalty.  I have witnessed it many times for her husband, her kids and for myself.  I am truly honored that she would show the same type of love for me that she does her family.  We are family.  
Now I am going to change gears a tad bit.  Denise also has some other attributes that I have already somewhat described from time to time in this blog.  These are some other words that I would use to describe Denise:
Loud
Unfiltered
Overzealous
Extremely Friendly
None of those are bad things.  They make Denise who she is.  I wouldn't want her to ever stop being any of these things.  I might want to beat her ass from time to time when a few of those words go into overdrive (mainly unfiltered), but geez, it sure does make our friendship interesting.  Especially when alcohol has been added to that concoction.  Drinking with Denise is sure to make for an interesting and fun time.  I realize that when people drink their inhibitions come crashing down.  It happens to me.  People do and say things that they usually wouldn't do, but Denise already does all this stuff, so all of these things are simply heightened.  Let me give you an example of each.
Let's start with loyalty and being unfiltered (might I add that being loud automatically comes with both of these examples).  When you are already a very loyal person and you add beer to the mix, you become a fighter for truth, justice and the ability to laugh hard without people staring at you and giving you dirty looks.  Such was the case a few years back when Denise and I and several other friends had a girls night out at a bar in a neighboring town.  I won't lie, I somewhat misled Denise about where we were going.  This bar was a bar and grill.  Denise thought we were going to eat there, and we did, but she didn't realize the plan was to stay there after we ate and kick back some shots and drink whatever we could get our hands on.  We started out with lemon drop shots and Denise passed them up the first round.  After a healthy dose of peer pressure was added, she decided that she would placate us by taking a shot with us and hopefully shutting us all up.  She would take one shot and then sit quietly like the sweet, innocent girl she thinks she is.  That's not what happened at all.  After the lemon drop shot she ordered one Dos Equis after another and before we knew it, all of those words used to describe Denise had been put into 5th gear.  We were all laughing and joking and I am sure we were probably being extremely obnoxious.  The place had started filling up fast and we noticed a table nearby full of women who looked like they needed to get laid.  Or maybe take some seizure medication.  The louder we got, the more epileptic they became.  They were either cutting their eyes at us or their eyes were rolling back in their heads.  If anything, their behavior became the butt of all our drunken jokes.  Women can be so catty.  I am talking about us, not them.... Little did we know that all we were doing was working Denise up.  It took only one more unified seizure from this united front for Denise to go off on them.  It was like watching someone with multiple personalities morph into someone else.  One second she was giggling and laughing and the next thing we know she is standing and yelling "What the fuck you bitches?  You got a problem?  Why don't you come closer and talk your shit so I can hear what you are saying!"  Oh shit..... Now listen, I would have completely had Denise's back had something gone down.  I was pretty scrappy when I was young, but that was then and this is now.  And the other girls would have been down, too.  I had two Mexicans that didn't put up with any shit and an Italian drama queen sitting at the table with us.  We would have totally taken them, and they knew it because they turned away pretty quickly.  But, none of  us wanted to land in jail and we had to remind Denise that each of us had kids to go home to and that we were all mid to late 20's in age at this time.  She morphed back into the girl that was laughing and giggling, but every once in awhile she would shoot a glance back to that table and if one of them made eye contact with her then Denise would put her hands up and say "WHAT!?  That's what I thought!"  How we left that place without being hauled off in handcuffs is still a mystery!  Thank God those women at that table were nothing like the women at my table!  I am adding a song here that I think of when I remember this moment.

I am now going to clump overzealous and extremely friendly together for this next example.  Denise is what I would call a WOOHOO girl.  Ya know, she starts drinking and then any time something fun or exciting happens she automatically starts yelling "WOOHOO!!!"  with her drink raised in the air.  By the end of the night nothing fun or exciting really has to be happening for her to yell it.  It can be something simple like "oh look, my rose bush has more buds!"   "WOOHOO!!!"  "The neighbors dog is loose."  "WOOHOO!!!!"  "Damn, it's 4a.m. and we are still wide awake."  "WOOHOO!!!"   It's really pretty entertaining to see and laughter always ensues when she does it.  Apparently that is what my neighbors thought, too.  I am sure they saw Denise and saw a good time girl.  And I have a feeling that if Denise wasn't happily married, she might be a good time girl!  Although she does have some serious fun though, the last thing you will ever get from Denise is sex.  She loves her husband.  But Denise doesn't always seem to realize that being a bit overzealous and over friendly leads men to think she is flirting with them.  So you have a WOOHOO girl who honestly, is probably always a WOOHOO girl, that has been drinking and also has a hard time saying no to people.  This particular night was a Saturday night around 3a.m..  Denise, my niece, her boyfriend and myself were sitting on my front porch drinking .  The neighbors, who are nice people, but look like they are going to be on an episode of The First 48 and/or Miami Ink have heard our little WOOHOO girl just getting more and more overzealous as the night has gone on and decide that after they have had enough liquid courage, they are going to approach and try and drink with us.  "Hey!  Uh, we got some more beers, uh, over here.  You guys, uh, want for us to bring them over and , uh, we can drink with you guys?" I am not paraphrasing.  These guys were a couple of illiterate assholes with shaved heads and ear gauges.  My niece, her boyfriend and I all tried to keep it friendly by saying "thanks but no thanks."  Not Denise "WOOHOO! Hell yea!  Bring it on over here!"  I saw a twinkle in these guys eyes.  Excitement over the fact that the WOOHOO girl was willing to play with them.  My niece and I shut that down fast.  "NO!"  Denise totally didn't get that we were trying to get rid of these guys who wanted a piece of the WOOHOO girl.  And these guys looked at my niece and I like we were the biggest cock blockers on the planet. Thankfully they walked off without any problems (which probably had to do with the big black guy that my niece was holding hands with) and we had to explain to Denise that drinking with them probably wasn't such a great idea.  Her response?  "WOOHOO!!!".  
It's really amazing to me that as little as Denise and I have drank together, some of my most memorable drinking moments have included her.   But that's life with Denise.  I wouldn't write a blog for a person that bores me to tears.  Denise will never be described as someone who bores me!  It's hard to get bored with a WOOHOO girl that is also part of  the Justice Police!  

Blue October

Have you ever gone through low points in your life and you have a song that ALWAYS seems to pop into your head during a low point?  I am at a low point in my life.  It's weird, I know it's a low point.  But it's a low point that needs to happen.  I have taken the time to read through all my past posts and I realize this won't come as a surprise to anyone that my marriage is ending.  I am sad that it is, but it really needs to.  It's not due to a lack of love.  The love is there-it's the respect, trust and kindness that are absent.  For so long I have tried to make this thing work.  And he has, too.  Both of us fighting through turmoil forcing something to work that can't work because in the beginning, we didn't set it up to work.  We just have too much history together.  Negative history.  I hate that it is happening for the sake of our family unit.  I have always wanted my kids to grow up w/both parents in the home (who hasn't).  Sometimes love just isn't enough.  I am ready to make this next step in my life.  I am thankful to have Denise to guide me through, as well as J.  I have said before they are my support team.  I also have my family and they will see me through it.  And so will God.  I have to remember that God will bring me through this and like the poem "Footprints," when I see only one set of footprints in the sand, it isn't that God abandoned me.  He carried me.  Like He has so many times.  I pray for my family that we can make this as civil as possible.  I want him to go on and be happy and be a great father.  I don't want him to fail.  I want to see him be at each and every event he can be at.  I want him to find someone that will make him happy and be good to my boys as well.  I will be a good mother and I will be a good ex-wife.  I am attaching a song that is constantly on my mind right now and usually is when I am at a low point.  It used to be on my mind because part of the lyrics say "I want to swim away and don't know how."  I think that describes how I have felt about my marriage.  I knew that I needed to let it end, but I didn't know how.  Now this song hits home for a different reason.  I know I am ready now.  I actually am ready to swim away.  I know that sounds so corny, but it's true.  This song was so depressing for me all of the other times I heard it.  Now I think when I hear the words, "into the ocean end it all,"  I don't think of how sad and pathetic the situation is or even how I used to feel and how low I had allowed myself to get.  I think of the fact that I am ready to end this relationship.  This may not make one bit of since to anyone but me.  I am sorry if it doesn't.   Anyways, I know this blog is supposed to be about Denise and I, and this post is,  to a point.  She is my sister and will get me through this.  She and Jesus will be the only ones that know how to do it without driving me crazy!  I love her more than she could ever know.  Anyway, I am posting this video.  It's weird.  Not gonna lie about that, but I love this band and this song.  Enjoy!

Lizzie Lou

I am a little nervous about posting today.  I had a friend help me out with a video that I am wanting to post but I really didn't want him to see this blog.  The reason being is a couple of specific entries.   But, I really wanted to show the video so I am sucking it up.  If he reads it, he reads it.  And if I can never look him in the eyes again, then so be it.  I am sure he will at least get a good laugh.  Names are changed but if he gives me grief over anything then I will not be changing his name!
So, on with the show.  Denise and I had a very long stretch of not getting to hang out just recently.  Our crazy schedules were just keeping us from being able to get together.  When spring break hit, we made plans and she drove over to hang out, bringing her two kiddo's in tow.  Both her kids are awesome, sweet and so much fun.  Her baby, Lizzie is like the daughter I never had.  She just makes my heart smile when I see her and she runs up and gives me a huge hug.  She is a lot like her mother.  She is loving, very friendly and very outgoing.  And she loves an audience. While they were here,  my oldest son got his SkullCandy's and iPod out and the song "Trouble" by Taylor Swift started playing.  Once Lizzie heard it, she immediately started singing along.  Eric (my son) decided to let her use the headphones to listen to the song.  The volume was turned up and I don't think she had any clue how loud she was singing.  It was so cute and so sweet that I decided to share it.  I have never posted a YouTube clip on my blog before so I hope I get it right.  If not I will have to call Ricky Bobby (that's gonna be his name for now-if he behaves it will stay that way) to get help.  And if I have to call him for help I won't hear the end of it.  Anyways, this is Lizzie singing "Trouble" and I think it is the best version I have heard so far!